Church, school, and Unloading Trucks

Sit down here with Granny. I want to honestly share with you why Southern culture is more than just “voting red,” and why outsiders who move here without understanding that are often accused of destroying our way of life.

I was born a mere geographical stone’s toss from where my ancestors first settled in this country in 1605. Growing up in both the Southeast as well as the Southwest, I was surrounded by a culture of rebel mascots, Dixie and grits. As an adult I realized the culture I accepted as “normal” was not the culture or values shared by everyone in America, and so my husband and I returned to my birth place to raise our children. Unfortunately, years later, our little slice of paradise was invaded.

Post-lockdowns, folks wanted to move somewhere freer that represented their values. However all conservatism is not the same. We can all agree that we don’t want the government shutting down private businesses, but how do you unload a truck? Think I’m joking? I’m not...

First came the track housing. It was built, in some cases, where we locals used to throw garbage back in the day. Then, our old farm houses became hipster breweries. Annoying, but not yet encroaching. Then Yankees came for our homeschool groups. Suddenly our social outlets were filled with people telling me my grandmother’s pancake recipe was full of carbs, and turning their nose up at my Orthodox faith because it wasn’t their brand of Yankee Protestant Puritanism. And when I mean turning their nose up I mean total shunning. Over and over again, “What church do you attend?” I name my Orthodox church. They actually turn their back (sometimes in unison!) and stop speaking to me. Excuse me, Jeanie-come-lately, but the oldest church in my hometown is Catholic. My granny lived next door and until very recently you could still hear the Latin mass being sung.

Next they destroyed the public pools. Non-locals (of a different race and class from the Puritan homeschoolers) flooded (pun!) our public pool. They thought displaying their bulging bosoms and their gay pride tattoos were appropriate. Their sons started grabbing local girls on the butt to the giggling delight or outright denial of their parents. Our local lake faired no better. We encountered those same characters, as well as drug users and loudly blasted rap music. So we lost that.

But hey, they claim to vote for Trump, right?

After this was the back biting and rumor mills in social groups. I was totally thrown for a loop! I’m sorry but in the South we either treat everyone politely in public or we plainly state our beef with them, to their face, and then it’s done. We do not hide in the shadows gossiping or plotting. We aren’t trying to “catch” someone in a trap. We are straight forward or polite. We don’t have time for anything in between. Now, you can’t trust anyone. They don’t behave in a way normal to us. Social cohesion is gone.

I don’t understand it, but people who move here seem to not always know how the police work. You cannot argue. If they tell you to do something, you have to do it. You cannot talk your way out of it or change their mind. Our police are STRICT. A lot of our Southern media has stories of our thinking about those in charge, but once caught, you must comply fully even if innocent. This one actually breaks my heart because folks accustom to negotiating find themselves in jail because they don’t understand our culture.

Finally, I have arrived at how to unload a truck. Yes, there is a correct and chivalrous way to do this! My family used to order all our groceries from Azure Standard. It’s a small farm, organic grocer where you order your goods online and then they are delivered by truck. Everyone in our area shows up at the appointed time and place, once a month, and picks up their boxes. For YEARS this was a quick, simple & SOUTHERN process where I lived. The truck driver unloaded the pallet and the men in the group loaded everyone’s boxes into their cars.

But about four years ago, all that changed. Now women and children needed to have an equal opportunity to unload the truck for whatever reason. Now the men wait in a line with people much weaker than them and are expected to watch them struggle. Chivalry is shamed. My husband, who comes from a line of Texas Rangers, can’t stand this not only because it’s incredibly rude but it also changed unloading the truck from a 20 minute job to a two hour long task! So he jumped the line and began quickly unloading the truck properly instead if watching women struggle, only to be chastised!

These are all small things but they add up to taking over your whole life. You can’t enjoy school groups, church is a wreck, groceries are a nightmare, swimming requires an hour drive to a local hole the Yanks don’t know about yet. So if you feel like you REALLY need to move to the South PLEASE observe the community around you and respect their history and their way of doing things. You moved here because it’s better and it isn’t better because it’s colored red on the TV news.