 Brad Paisley is a pretty good singer. Brad Paisley is a pretty good guitarist. Brad Paisley is an okay-enough songwriter. Brad Paisley is a shitty Southerner. Brad Paisley was born in West Virginia, and so most people would agree that’s the South - that’s country. Not so fast, my friends. Paisley’s really a city slicker, through and through. He was born and raised in Glen Dale, part of the Wheeling Metro area on the Ohio River. The Lord won’t be taking his soul back home to Dixie. Glen Dale is above the Mason Dixon. Does that matter? Well, I don’t see Toby Keith tripping over himself to do a duet with Volodymyr Zelensky about how pushing toward a nuclear holocaust is something worth dancing about to pop-country garbage. (Let’s just hope Zelensky keeps his clothes on in the music video.) It really is shocking to see country music artists wrap themselves up in the bitterly partisan politics of our world today - particularly when they choose the side of election theft, the removal of freedoms, the indoctrination of children, and the universal suffrage of the plebeian class. While many country fans are firing shots at targets bearing Paisley’s oddly-shaped face over this globalist propaganda, some of us remember that this isn’t anything new for Brad the Boy Wonder. In 2009, after the full year previous doing everything he could to get Barack Obama elected as President, Brad hit his knees metaphorically (at least we can hope it was only metaphorically) and opened up with a song he wrote in Obama’s honor: Welcome to the Future. In that song, he wrote the lyrics:
Really? You were born in 1972, Brad. School football doesn’t start until at least middle school. He references a homecoming queen, which is high school. So, let’s say it happened when he was in 9th grade. That makes it around 1986. So, in the mid ‘80s, in a metro area of West Virginia, Paisley wants us to believe that the KKK burned a cross in a black kid’s front lawn. Not impossible, but I can find no record of it - and it’s easier than you think to find cross-burning records on Google. A guy in Mississippi lit his own bush on fire, in his own front yard, and was arrested for a hate crime of cross burning.
Obviously that verse of the song is only there for Brad Paisley to apologize for being White to the then-newly-elected black President, and Paisley was rewarded for that tout de suite when he got to go to the White House specifically to play that song. I know what the real Martin Luther would have to say about that nonsense. And if you’re a Paisley fan who wants to give him the benefit of the doubt, oh, just wait! He wrote an even bigger turd, impossible to flush, called “Accidental Racist.” In this song, he apologizes for:
The lyrics are too embarrassing to even put to print here. Look them up, if your stomach is strong enough. Brad Paisley has to be the most cowardly country music musician in history. Can you imagine this guy on the road with Waylon Jennings and David Allan Coe? Whatever has infected his brain has been there for a while; long before he joined the side of a potential world war. This guy literally said that his country music is like hip-hop for White people. (Which I don’t disagree with at all; I have my own name I use to refer to today’s hot garbage.) Brad Paisley wears a businessman’s Lady Stetson rather well, with a head that’s way too small for his body. And he married a seething, crazy-eyed left-wing-bordering-actual-communist low-tier Hollywood actress. There’s a lot to be said about Brad Paisley. There really is. The thing that should be most emphasized about Brad Paisley: He’s the antithesis of a Southerner and is really a Yankee Union man at heart. He literally said Reconstruction was a good thing. Pray for this poor goofy bastard, please. The man has quite a lot of fans running around out there - most of whom appreciate the genre of Country-Fried SIMP-Hop (dumb rap for white people) much more so than they appreciate actual country music - but the man has fans. No one can take that away from Mr. Paisley. Now, I wouldn’t call Paisley an untalented hack. He has a few decent songs, though he is easily the most overrated country music musician to ever exist. Most of his catalog is just a rip-off of Ray Stevens, with songs that aren’t nearly as good. Boogity, boogity. But what should have been a one-hit-wonder middling talent in the country scene was propelled, through force, to become a superstar. The merchants who murdered Music Row kept propping him up, year after year, allowing him to host award shows. On those stages, he never managed to not make an ass out of himself. Don’t look, Ethel! I’m not sure what the future holds for Brad Paisley. He seems to be constantly auditioning to join John Legend and the girl who played Wonder Woman for a TikTok collaboration of a famous song. Maybe “We Are the World,” where the diverse performers gather together to berate Brad for being a White man, and he thanks them for it and apologizes on behalf of the entire South. Whatever the future holds, I just know I’ll never bother listening to a new song of his. There are enough people who hate us already. We need to cut them out, not add them in.
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