Cal-Euphoria: A Managerial Reset

Crisis of the Coming Thing

​If populists are “far right” and literally “fascists” and “Nazis” (in the actual meaning of literally), then things must be looking pretty grim just now. In light of the political downfall of two major Girl Bosses - New Zealand’s lockdown queen Jacinda Ardern and Scotland’s ineffable Nicola Sturgeon - the state and corporate commissars of global management will need a new global political strategy. They need a course correction to regain their composure while endeavoring to persevere in their selfless quest to create the Perfect Society under their indispensable oversight. Post-humanity cries out for such a geographical fix.

A More Prefab Union

The obvious solution is Cal-Euphoria, a hyper-enlightened fusion of Atlantic, Pacific, and even Indian Ocean polities, and one with a glorious future. The new enterprise would initially include California, western Oregon, western Washington State, Scotland, New Zealand, and Dan Andrew’s Victoria (separated from Oz down under), along with any Canadian province that consistently gives le chienlit (J. Trudeau) most of its votes. All political bodies whose peasants, petty bourgeoisie, and working class heroes are thoroughly cowed, would be welcome participants in this (provisionally) Radiant Future.
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There are many other suitable U.S. entrants, including New York and other “blue” states. Nor can we rule out Spain, under its present management, or post-Catholic Ireland. The whole UK, with a bloody great Hindoo (doing the best that he kin do) as Prime Minister, may qualify. Post-Teutonic Germany is a shoo-in, and well-governed South Africa – where there are no plaasmoorde(1) -- will be on the shortlist.

Perils of Federalism

Of course, some problems might arise along the way. It would be unwise for the cybernating illuminati to call their new managerial bloc a “federation,” even in the unfortunate U.S. sense of a unitary state that wears federal finery on ceremonial occasions. This is because federal language might lead dangerous elements within each member state to imagine there are limits on the central authorities and even a right to withdraw. A grand but meaningless name will be needed, such as “union,” “common destiny,” “co-prosperity sphere,” or “benevolent empire.” Similarly, any system-wide declaration of “rights” (nice as they may be) will have to nullify its own apparent content with appropriate obfuscating language. Canadian advice will be useful here.

Meet the New Boss, Worse than the Old Boss

It is implicit in the project that old colonial administrative abuses will take on entirely different meanings when revived under post-Colonialism. Full cooperation between the several police agencies of Cal-Euphoria will be perfected. The existing U.S.-U.K.-Canadian-Australian-New Zealand joint project of purging every ancient right and privilege found in English law will go forward (where else?) at light speed. Negations duly negated, the underlying populations will be officially happy.

The provisional character of the new “union” is implicit, but should never be mentioned in polite company. The point is not a mere league of likeminded entities but a suitable staging area for relaunching the global postmodern, post-human, post-rational, cyber-maniacal dystopia that warms the managerial soul. With proper planning, Moloch will triumph. The forward Clock of Progress must go on striking, despite some wicked comments made by Murray Rothbard. If it strikes bystanders, they will not be victims. Enemies of Progress never are.

Let the Californication begin! As Orwell almost said, the future is a high-heeled sneaker stomping on a human face, forever. Turning the clock back will be verboten and subject to airstrikes. Indeed, everything that is not mandated, will be forbidden.(2)

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Notes

1. Farm murders. Donald Trump mentioned them, which only proves that they never happen.
2. This paraphrases something found in an old Sci-Fi novel involving corporate feudalism: “Alles was nicht Pflicht ist, ist verboten.”