Finally, the Real Behind-the-Scenes of that Story?
It’s been two and a half years, and now I think it is safe to tell the whole story. You might remember what happened. It was the lead news item on ABC’s Saturday morning, January 2, 2016, news program. The announcer reported, breathlessly, “Donald Trump is being used in a terrorist ad---Hillary confirmed!” The last two words were actually notspoken by the ABC reporters, but the implication was just that. Instead, Hillary Clinton was shown in the previous Democratic debate when she announced with fanfare that Donald Trump’s demand for a ban on Muslims coming to the US “was being used [in ISIS] recruitment videos.”
Back after Hillary made that claim, she was called on her false assertion, and even the mainstream media reluctantly stated that she had lied. But I recall Rush Limbaugh on his radio program predicting that, indeed, there would be a video to eventually surface that in some measure would confirm what Hillary lied about, even if the Democratic National Committee and Hillary’s campaign team had to do it, surreptitiously of course.
Well, I have some highly informed and highly-placed clandestine sources in the Middle East. So, shortly after this incident I decided to contact my highly informed and highly-placed sources. If I identified who they were, they'd sever my head from my aging body! For security reasons, I only use short-wave, two-way radio, you understand, and I use a frequency that was only used by the Bulgarian secret service during World War II---my friends in the Middle East know that when that frequency beeps, it’s me calling.
So, I beeped them: “Allahu Akhbar!” I blurted out (that means, “God is great!”). “This is Boyd Pasha calling.” My secret source---let’s call him Gunga Din, to protect his identity---responded, “What do you want, Boyd Pasha?” And I stated that ABC and other news sources were reporting that the Islamic terrorist group al-Shabab, the al-Qaida affiliate in Somalia, had produced a promo using a clip of Donald Trump proposing a ban on Muslims coming to the USA until we can get a secure program up to ferret out potential terrorists, and that the American media was showing it. Apparently, the al-Shabab clip also included footage of its deceased spokesman Anwar al-Awlaki, who back in 2011 was sent by American air strikes on to meet up with those promised seventy-two virgins in Heaven.
My source, always on target, then revealed some startling news. In fact, my source played for me a recording of a conversation, and I think I’m the only person in the US to have heard it, and I quickly copied the text down in English. And, here, for the first time ever—two and a half years later—I release it to you:
FIRST VOICE (Hillary Clinton): “Hel-loo…this is Hillary Clinton. With whom am I speaking, please?”
SECOND VOICE: “Allahu Akhbar! Who are you? What do you want?”
FIRST VOICE: “I said this is Hillary Clinton, and I’m the smartest woman in the world. I am going to be Empress of America, well, at least the president, and I am calling you…is this ISIS? May I speak with the big boss, please?”
SECOND VOICE: “Clinton? Well, you are American? Do you wear a burqa and follow shar’ia law?”
FIRST VOICE: “You mean a veil? Well, if it would help, I can put one on, if I can find one at Saks 5th Avenue in New York City. Hmm…I believe my husband Bill may practice shar’ia law, I know he’s still looking for those seventy-two virgins.”
FIRST VOICE: “Anyway, is this ISIS?”
SECOND VOICE: “No, this is al-Shabab of Somalia. I am the Grand Vizier, Doofi al-Shazam, representative of Allah on earth, may his name be praised.”
FIRST VOICE: “Well, are you engaged in terrorist acts? That’s what I care about, you see. I don’t care which group you’re a member of, just as long as you qualify as a Muslim terrorist.”
SECOND VOICE: “No; we are engaged in a holy jihad against the infidel running dogs of the West, and we intend to impose Islam on all the peoples of what was once Christendom. We shall water our camels in the Potomac River and proclaim international shar’ia law from the US capitol! We are the holy army of the Prophet.”
FIRST VOICE: “Okay, okay; that’s good. I get it. But I need to ask you a question: do you know about Donald Trump and his proposal to ban Muslims coming to America? Well, I stated back in a national debate that ISIS was using that in its recruitment ads. I knew it was totally false, but, hey, falsehood has never stopped me. But, you see, I was wondering, could you, perhaps, use Trump in one of your promo ads? I would really be beholden to you. And I could then tell my followers that I was right.”
SECOND VOICE: “We know of this Trump man…he threatens to kill us and send us all to Jannah [Heaven]. We don’t like him, because he would probably really do that. He’s not like your other infidel politicians….”
FIRST VOICE: “Look, I know, but that’s not my question. Could you make a video using Trump pushing his Muslim ban? Hey, I would do almost anything if you could do that…please!”
SECOND VOICE: “I will consult with the Grand Islamic Council, but I think I can say that we could produce such a video. But, I must ask you, what will you do for us in return? We do not do favors for infidel American running dogs for nothing.”
FIRST VOICE: “Ah! Mr. Shazam, I will do almost anything, just name it, if you can produce such a video and make sure that the American news media get it really soon.”
SECOND VOICE: “Allah be praised! Yes, we can deal. Here is what we request in return: first, if you become president of the infidel American running dogs, you must open the doors to millions of Muslims---like what is happening in Europe, especially those Warriors of Allah---to come to your nation. Also, you must allow the imposition of shar’ia law in your infidel nation.”
FIRST VOICE: “Okay, I think I can take care of that. Yeah, I can think of some states---like Alabama, Mississippi, maybe the Carolinas---where we could settle millions of Muslims. After all, those areas would never vote for me anyway. And millions of Muslim jihadist immigrants would fix their little red wagons!”
SECOND VOICE: “Our Muslim immigrants would also demand all the benefits of the American welfare and educational systems, which must be shaped and molded to our values.”
FIRST VOICE: “Certainly, in fact, that’s happening right now! So, don’t worry, between the millions of undocumented Mexicans here and coming in, and your people coming, why, I can remake America! That sounds like a great arrangement. And I can get many Republicans on board, too—they are owned by the Chamber of Commerce and the Koch Brothers' Americans for Prosperity.”
SECOND VOICE: “Clinton woman, you have a deal. We shall produce such an ad.”
FIRST VOICE: “Great! Oh, and I’m sure that Bill will be delighted about that shar’ia law thing and those seventy-two virgins….man, he may even start his own harem! It’s been great talking with you, Mr. Shazam. Happy New Year!”
SECOND VOICE: “Thank you, Clinton woman. It shall be done as you say. Allahu Akhbar! Very soon the Prophet will reign in America and the lowly infidel running dogs will either worship Allah or die a miserable death!”
And then the conversation stopped. I have to say that it was, without doubt, a revelation for me. Of course, the Clinton machine has been known to take no prisoners in previous campaigns, and, certainly, the prospect of having a take-no-prisoners candidate—Donald Trump--come up against the Lady Macbeth of American politics was sobering. But I never dreamed they would go this far. And now I have to wonder if the jihadists will come after me, too; in fact, I’m putting out pork and bacon strips in my yard. I figure that that might keep the jihadists away, at least for a while.
Boyd D. Cathey holds a doctorate in European history from the Catholic University of Navarra, Pamplona, Spain, where he was a Richard Weaver Fellow, and an MA in intellectual history from the University of Virginia (as a Jefferson Fellow). He was assistant to conservative author and philosopher the late Russell Kirk. In more recent years he served as State Registrar of the North Carolina Division of Archives and History. He has published in French, Spanish, and English, on historical subjects as well as classical music and opera. He is active in the Sons of Confederate Veterans and various historical, archival, and genealogical organizations.