Fleeing Utopia

Ronald Reagan famously said that the scariest words in the English language are "I'm from the government and I'm here to help." For a Southerner, it's equally frightening to hear "I'm from Ohio, and I have some ideas for improving things!"

Yet another article has been published about the places in the US that people are migrating to and from. The main finding - I hope you're sitting down, because this is going to shock you - is that YANKEES ARE FLOODING SOUTHWARD. 

The article notes in particular that Chicago, New York, and Los Angeles are among the top cities which people are "leaving in droves."

Well, I'm just a simple girl from Carolina, but I find that a wee bit confusing. I am assured quite frequently by smart-looking people in the media that we live in the most backwards part of the country. People living in New York, Los Angeles, and Chicago tell us frequently, and in not too polite a manner, that we need to change the way we do things to be more like them. 

In fact, our country just recently elected a man from Chicago to our highest office, and it was so clear that his brilliance and goodness would bring salvation to humanity, that he received the Nobel Peace Prize before even having a chance to warm his chair in the Oval Office! And folks in Hollywood are always trying to teach us life lessons about how guns are bad, and Christianity is just an excuse for hating gay people. New Yorkers think health is so important, they won't let you buy sugary drinks that are too big. And - you may find this surprising given their repuation for rudeness - but politeness is so important up there, you can get fined for not addressing a gender non-confirming person by xir pronoun of choice.

It kinda makes you wonder. Why would people be "fleeing in droves" from places that are run by morally impeccable people with brilliant ideas? 

In all seriousness, Southerners cringe when we hear about Yankees moving South because we know what that means. The biggest problem is not only that many of them are lacking in gentility, though that is indeed an issue. The problem is that they quickly insist on making changes that start us down the slippery slope to creating the kind of place they fled, and with COMPLETE AND UTTER LACK OF AWARENESS OF WHAT THEY ARE DOING!

We need to "improve" things, and raise taxes to pay for it. We need to diversify and modernize our institutions. You can't have so many activities unregulated, and let people go around making their own decisions! AND WHY AREN'T YOU THANKING ME FOR POINTING OUT ALL THE THINGS YOU HAVE BEEN DOING WRONG?

And so on, and so forth. We've seen it play out this way many times.

The real head scratcher is, how do we keep them from moving down here? I'm thinking of something incorporating the banjo music from Deliverance and hominy grits. I'll let you know when I get the details figured out.

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